Behind the Words - "Soul Seeker"

Naturally, the first poem that I will go into is my personal favorite, "Soul Seeker". I wrote this poem in late 2005, after I was forced to move to Alabama from Illinois, where I had lived the last 16 years of my life. I didn't want to be there, but what was worse was that the people of Alabama didn't seem to want me neither. I was alone, lonely, and misunderstood. So I wrote this to express how I wanted somebody to know me for me. Well, at least that's where it started. As I progressed, I found that I was sharing feelings, that I feel, Christ must have felt while He was here. In no way do I equate our lives or experiences, but I didn't feel as alone once I saw this. So without further delay, Behind the Words of "Soul Seeker"

Soul Seeker

No word can capture me

No photo can freeze me

No video camera can portray me
A still-shot of my essence is impossible

I am beyond description

So different sometimes I wonder if I share the same anatomy with the ones I walk amongst
I live a life through inscriptions on paper

My deepest, dimmest secrets revealed through ink

But nothing I write can completely display the person I am
The best these still-lifes can produce is a glimpse through a dark glass

Who am I?

You'd have to be with me, understand me, and get to know me
Biases, lies, and trends have distorted and punctured the beautiful imagery of a truly unique man since my conception and will until forever more.

To see through these, view not judgmentally, but with a heart of knowledge

Unfortunately, most will see me and not

Blessed is the one that will investigate my soul

By: The Humblist

"No word can capture me/ No photo can freeze me/ No video camera can portray me/ A still-shot of my essence is impossible…"

The first line of this poem is the exact words that came to me as I started writing this poem and it has never been modified. It servse as the backbone to the beginning of the poem and to the entire poem itself. What I'm saying is that no matter what word you choose, there is not one that will complete say who/what I am. Funny, nice, sad, furious, kind, amazing, evil,…there isn't one word that can fully tell you what a person is. The next line takes this thought further. Photos lie. They display a person emotions and actions for a blink of their life. You may take a photo of someone smiling and as soon as you finish, the smile is gone. Or the person may be genuinely happy and then 5 days later received terrible news. How one feels/looks/acts in the present is different than how that person felt/looked/acted in the past. Which leads to the next line. Even if the photos are continuous, they still do not portray who a person is. Think of actors. You may see them one way and they act completely different in real life. The last line is an accumulation and summary of the lines before it.

"I am beyond description..."
It is impossible to know a person through a single media or description.

"So different sometimes I wonder if I share the same anatomy with the ones I walk amongst…"
This is where I began to see the correlation between my feelings and feelings I believe Christ felt. There are parallels in the lines before this one, but I see it clear as day here. I wrote that to speak on the fact that the people where I moved to in Alabama were so different than I was. The way they thought, spoke, and acted made me feel like I wasn't even the same species as them. As this relates to Christ, I'm pretty sure that He was pondering this.

"I live a life through inscriptions on paper/ My deepest, dimmest secrets revealed through ink/ But nothing I write can completely display the person I am/ The best these still-life can produce is a glimpse through a dark glass..."
An allude to the first line and also a setup to the rest of the poem. I am a poet, so I literally "live my life through inscriptions on paper." But if no word can capture me, then even my works can't fully tell you who I am. Also, Christ is known through his red scriptures in the Bible. But they do not fully portray His entire life. Some would disagree, but I look to the word "completely." Through my works, you can get a pretty good idea of who I am and what I'm about, just as you are able to recognize Jesus's love, kindness, and forgiveness through the Bible. But regardless of if you know every word or not, there are things that are uncertain. Was Christ cranky when He woke up? What did He do for fun? How did He really feel about Mary? We don't know. Just like you wouldn't know that I enjoy NASCAR if I hadn't told you, written it down.

"Who am I?..."
A hypothetical question I ask in place of the reader. The reader: if you are unable to be described by your works or a single media, than who are you and how do I obtain that knowledge?

"You'd have to be with me, understand me, and get to know me/ Biases, lies and trends have distorted and punctured the beautiful imagery of a truly unique man since my conception and will until forever more…"
This is the key to the entire poem and what I was missing at the time I wrote it. It wasn't possible for those around me to know me because there was nobody with me, nobody who understood, and not even anybody who wanted to get to know me. On top of that, people had predetermined opinions on who they thought I was and fed lies to others to try and make me out to something other than what I was. For example, because I didn't really hang out with males, listened to R&B and Pop, and wore pink sometimes, some accused me of being gay. Intentionally or non-intentionally, they smeared my personality. Christ can be seen heavy in the second line, as references to His crucifixion are evident.

"To see through these, view not judgmentally, but with a heart of knowledge…"
The afore mentioned line stated that the biases, lies, and trends will continue forever more. So in this line, there is no illusion that no matter what I do, say, or think, those things will always be there. That's why one sees through them, as they will never go away completely. That is also why one must view without judgement, lest he be deceived by those lies. A heart of knowledge refers to being willing to accept new information about someone or accepting something about someone that you don't particularly like or agree with.

"Unfortunately, most will see me and not/ Blessed is the one that will investigate my soul."
This speaks volumes for everyone out there, including Christ. You walk past people everyday, but most of the time, they don't see "you." The person you are attempting to be can block "you." Their inability to accept some aspects of your existence can block "you." There are numerous ways in which we misidentify people. But what's most important is that we seek to know that person at their deepest level. Because then, the inaccurate words, photos, videos, and still-shot aren't necessary; we KNOW he/she.