Possibly the most gifted Neo-Soul artist in existence. I'm so happy to see him back.
D'Angelo peforms for first in a long time
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
A Dream Exercise
1. Pull out a piece of blank paper, nothing digital.
2. Write down the absolute biggest 3 things you want to do/accomplish in the next 3 years. Don't limit yourself and don't think of the obstacles, just write your dreams/goals.
3. Now multiply those things by 3.
This is where we need to get your mind. Your accomplishments are only limited by how big your dreams and expectations are. If you could multiply them, then they're not big enough.
Think on this. If you aim to accomplish your multiplied goals, how much more like it is that you'll achieve your original 'big' goals? Raise your expectations of yourself.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Actions Dictate Mentality
In a book I've been reading recently, 'The Magic of Thinking Big', it states that your actions can dictate your thought process. At first, it took me aback because as a rational and analytical person I felt that the inverse was true: you thought, then acted. However, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made and made me rethink how I go about situations.
The example the book gave was affection. If a man performs affectionate actions, it won't take long for that person to feel affectionate. Likewise, if a person performs actions that are attributed to confidence (good posture, smiling, shaking hands firm, etc.), it doesn't take long for that person to feel confident.
Faith is an action word. If you tailor your actions in the direction you want to be, you're setting up your mentality when it actually happens. That's why people aspiring to be leaders and executives wear slacks, suits, and ties; they're performing the action and thus preparing their minds for WHEN they receive a promotion or are put into leadership. They feel comfortable because they've been tailoring their actions and mental process to what they had faith in getting.
Whatever you're aspiring to do, tailor your actions to that task and let your mind follow.
The example the book gave was affection. If a man performs affectionate actions, it won't take long for that person to feel affectionate. Likewise, if a person performs actions that are attributed to confidence (good posture, smiling, shaking hands firm, etc.), it doesn't take long for that person to feel confident.
Faith is an action word. If you tailor your actions in the direction you want to be, you're setting up your mentality when it actually happens. That's why people aspiring to be leaders and executives wear slacks, suits, and ties; they're performing the action and thus preparing their minds for WHEN they receive a promotion or are put into leadership. They feel comfortable because they've been tailoring their actions and mental process to what they had faith in getting.
Whatever you're aspiring to do, tailor your actions to that task and let your mind follow.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Replace "I'm Not Good At" with "I'm Working On"
In my continued effort to build you guys and gals up, I would like for you to try a simple exercise that can change the way you think and act about your weaknesses. We all have them, but we shouldn't let them lower our confidence or dictate our success.
When you say a phrase that describes a weakness such as, "I'm not good at *this*," replace it with "I'm working on *this*." When you say that, it forces you to think differently about whatever *this* is. And if you genuinely begin to work on what you are lacking, you can, in turn, convert "I'm working on *this*" to "I'm capable of *this*" or "I can now do *this*."
Gaining the right attitude is crucial to success. You have to find ways to build yourself up, stop making excuses, and construct your skills. This exercise will bring you one step closer to being the sucessful person you are to be.
When you say a phrase that describes a weakness such as, "I'm not good at *this*," replace it with "I'm working on *this*." When you say that, it forces you to think differently about whatever *this* is. And if you genuinely begin to work on what you are lacking, you can, in turn, convert "I'm working on *this*" to "I'm capable of *this*" or "I can now do *this*."
Gaining the right attitude is crucial to success. You have to find ways to build yourself up, stop making excuses, and construct your skills. This exercise will bring you one step closer to being the sucessful person you are to be.
Monday, January 23, 2012
People Are Just People
I've been blessed to have had the opportunity to meet my fair share of talented, famous, and important people. From CEOs to school presidents; from multi-millionaires to celebrities, I've shaken hands, taken pictures, and had conversations with them all. So early in my life and career, I am so happy that I've been able to interact with their likes because it taught me that people are just people. Celebrities hands feel the same as my co-workers. Multi-millionaires may have fancier clothes and nicer accessories, but at the end of the day they are just people like you and me. And that's a big concept because it allows me to not be intimidated by somebody because of their wealth or position. In my mind, I'm as valuable as they are.
I'm not saying that in an arrogant way, but a confident one. People like that respect individuals who don't shorten themselves because they feel inadequate. If you carry yourself with an attitude that, given the proper tools and time, I can be just like them or better, you won't feel ashamed or intimidated. And as you yourself are exposed to more and more people of status, you'll also learn this lesson.
Remember, don't put people so high on a pedestal that you can't ever reach them because then, they won't ever be able to reach you.
I'm not saying that in an arrogant way, but a confident one. People like that respect individuals who don't shorten themselves because they feel inadequate. If you carry yourself with an attitude that, given the proper tools and time, I can be just like them or better, you won't feel ashamed or intimidated. And as you yourself are exposed to more and more people of status, you'll also learn this lesson.
Remember, don't put people so high on a pedestal that you can't ever reach them because then, they won't ever be able to reach you.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The Difference Between Not Feeling Pain and Feeling Better
There are those that confusingly equate "lack of pain" with "pleasure".
Ladies and gentlemen, they are not the same thing. Let me give you a scenario so that you may understand this better:
A man gets home from work one day and realizes that he needs to get in shape. So he takes off his work clothes and slips into his sweats. He grabs an "Insanity" DVD off the dusty shelf, neglected ever since his wife got it for him last year. He pops it in and is excited to be on the right track when he sees the pained expressions of the people as they struggle to complete their exercises. He decides that he doesn't want to have to go through that experience and resigns to watching TV.
This is the point, the difference. Just because the man didn't work out and feel any pain doesn't mean that he will inherently feel some type of joy, pleasure, or happiness. He will feel how he always felt, which is probably not that well. In fact, I beg to say that he will feel WORST than if he had gone through the pain.
See the pleasure and satisfaction come after the pain. It would be nice to go through life without friction, but without it, none of us would be able to move. And that's the lesson here. So that person out there considering whether or not to attempt to realize your dream, or maybe even take a chance on that guy/girl, listen to this. There is a possibility that you may get hurt in the process, however, pain is the toll on the road of the happiness you're looking for; just get past it.
Contributors and Collaborations
If you would like to post something on the blog, just shoot me a note via Twitter (@allofth3lights), YouTube (allofth3lights), Gmail (allofth3lights@gmail), or simply leave a comment here and we can figure something out. This blog is not all about me. In fact, it's much more for the people who visit it. The reason the tags are "allofth3lights" because I want to bring together incredible talents and showcase them here and elsewhere so we can all shine our individual lights collectively, akin to what Kanye West did in his song of the same title. So again, if you're interested, feel free to contact me.
F&F (Focus and Finish)
F&F (Focus and Finish)
Friday, January 20, 2012
Eliminate Negative Words - Timidness
Words: "try", "might", "could", "would", "wish", "maybe", "guess"
When one places "I" or "I'll" in front of these words, they became very shaky statements. Every one of them leaves room for one to escape with an excuse. "I'll try, but..." "I could do that for you..." "I might complete it...". Even though these statements aren't overtly negative, they can still be confidence killers and excuse builders. If you tell me that you'll "try", it provides wiggle room for you to fail and for me to be disappointed. What you are achieving when you speak like this is an opportunity for the person you spoke with not to have much faith in you. And the crazy thing is that you desired it! You wanted that person to question your ability because it makes you less responsible to the commitment. If you were sure, you would have said, "I will do it." No qualifier, no clause, "I will do it."
Think about how different your statements would be without these words. Think about how much more accountable you would have to be to the people you address. "I might go." --> "I'll go." "I wish I could finish that assignment." --> "I can finish that assignment." See how different things become? See how much more confidence you portray when you simply take out those timid words?
I know, I know, you want to remain comfortable. You want to be able to back out of the commitment without feeling bad because you never REALLY said that you would do it.
Stop. You are portraying an attitude that guarantees nothing, an attitude that's not reliable, an attitude of a person afraid to be counted on. Be better than that.
When one places "I" or "I'll" in front of these words, they became very shaky statements. Every one of them leaves room for one to escape with an excuse. "I'll try, but..." "I could do that for you..." "I might complete it...". Even though these statements aren't overtly negative, they can still be confidence killers and excuse builders. If you tell me that you'll "try", it provides wiggle room for you to fail and for me to be disappointed. What you are achieving when you speak like this is an opportunity for the person you spoke with not to have much faith in you. And the crazy thing is that you desired it! You wanted that person to question your ability because it makes you less responsible to the commitment. If you were sure, you would have said, "I will do it." No qualifier, no clause, "I will do it."
Think about how different your statements would be without these words. Think about how much more accountable you would have to be to the people you address. "I might go." --> "I'll go." "I wish I could finish that assignment." --> "I can finish that assignment." See how different things become? See how much more confidence you portray when you simply take out those timid words?
I know, I know, you want to remain comfortable. You want to be able to back out of the commitment without feeling bad because you never REALLY said that you would do it.
Stop. You are portraying an attitude that guarantees nothing, an attitude that's not reliable, an attitude of a person afraid to be counted on. Be better than that.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Eliminate Negative Words - Can't
With people so vocal, with social networks providing everyone a forum, and with so many different opinions out there, words have seemed to have lost their once precious value. 'Seemed' to have.
See the thing is that your words are second only to your actions as to what influences yourself and others. Words can create/destroy, help/hurt, make one move or stay, give one freedom or damnation. As powerful as words used to be are as powerful as they are now and you need to realize what you speak. Even for those not overly religious, you'll see here shortly how simply eliminating your negative words can have you feeling better and make you more accountable to yourself and others.
Let's start with the biggest culprit of all: "can't". 'I can't get that job.' 'I can't do this homework.' 'I can't talk to him.' 'I can't be that strong.' And it goes on and on...and on. Saying you can't destroys both self-confidence and confidence that other people have in you. When you continuously say "can't", you create an arena of things in your mind that are now unobtainable. When you continuously say "can't", you diminish the wonderful things that you can do. When you continuously say "can't", you become sick of the person you are because you "can't" do anything.
People often mistake "can't" with "inability", which are COMPLETELY different ideas. "Can't" is a mindset, "inability" defines itself - not being ABLE to do something. Most people who hid behind "can't" are completely able, they've just made their minds up that they won't do it. I hold nothing against people who are unable to do things. A blind man usually has no choice in seeing. He lacks the ABILITY to see. However, he has a choice in whether his blindness is used as an excuse. "I can't read/dance/work because I'm blind." We all know that these are not truths. And yet, too often people handicap (no pun intended) themselves in a similar manner, even though they are fully capable.
My solution: Take it out of your vocabulary. Don't use it. You don't need that mindset dominating your thoughts, limiting your actions, and crushing your confidence. Replace your "can't"s with "can"s. Then figure out what you would need to change in order for those statements to be true. Finally, make sure that change happens. It won't be easy, but you will become a happier and more productive person for it.
See the thing is that your words are second only to your actions as to what influences yourself and others. Words can create/destroy, help/hurt, make one move or stay, give one freedom or damnation. As powerful as words used to be are as powerful as they are now and you need to realize what you speak. Even for those not overly religious, you'll see here shortly how simply eliminating your negative words can have you feeling better and make you more accountable to yourself and others.
Let's start with the biggest culprit of all: "can't". 'I can't get that job.' 'I can't do this homework.' 'I can't talk to him.' 'I can't be that strong.' And it goes on and on...and on. Saying you can't destroys both self-confidence and confidence that other people have in you. When you continuously say "can't", you create an arena of things in your mind that are now unobtainable. When you continuously say "can't", you diminish the wonderful things that you can do. When you continuously say "can't", you become sick of the person you are because you "can't" do anything.
People often mistake "can't" with "inability", which are COMPLETELY different ideas. "Can't" is a mindset, "inability" defines itself - not being ABLE to do something. Most people who hid behind "can't" are completely able, they've just made their minds up that they won't do it. I hold nothing against people who are unable to do things. A blind man usually has no choice in seeing. He lacks the ABILITY to see. However, he has a choice in whether his blindness is used as an excuse. "I can't read/dance/work because I'm blind." We all know that these are not truths. And yet, too often people handicap (no pun intended) themselves in a similar manner, even though they are fully capable.
My solution: Take it out of your vocabulary. Don't use it. You don't need that mindset dominating your thoughts, limiting your actions, and crushing your confidence. Replace your "can't"s with "can"s. Then figure out what you would need to change in order for those statements to be true. Finally, make sure that change happens. It won't be easy, but you will become a happier and more productive person for it.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
One of the Most Remarkable Things I've Ever Seen
This event has stuck with me over the last 3 years and I doubt I'll ever forget it.
I was out with my friends downtown bar-hopping. We were transitioning from one bar to another when we saw a crowd of people across the street gathered. We went over to investigate when all of a sudden a girl began hitting another girl. The girl under attack began backtracking in an attempt to avoid the blows of the other girl. At this point, a few of the attacker's friends began participating in the violence. Now for those who have ever been out in this type of environment know that this is commonplace when you mix alcohol and late nights together, so we weren't too surprised by the situation.
But then something happened that I've never seen before. The person that the attacked girl had been backtracking to was her boyfriend. He obviously didn't want to violently get involved because it was an all-female 'fight'. Well unfortunately, his girlfriend fell down to the ground. The attackers then began surrounding her and kicking her from getting back up. Now one would think that the boyfriend would pick the girl up and take her to safety. But instead, he got down on the ground WITH her, hugging himself around her body so that he could absorb the blows. Not until the girls stopped did he get up with his girlfriend to walk away. He completely put himself in harm's way to protect his girlfriend. His actions said that he was not only willing to get her out of the situation, but also willing to stay with her in the pain. Absolutely incredible.
I was out with my friends downtown bar-hopping. We were transitioning from one bar to another when we saw a crowd of people across the street gathered. We went over to investigate when all of a sudden a girl began hitting another girl. The girl under attack began backtracking in an attempt to avoid the blows of the other girl. At this point, a few of the attacker's friends began participating in the violence. Now for those who have ever been out in this type of environment know that this is commonplace when you mix alcohol and late nights together, so we weren't too surprised by the situation.
But then something happened that I've never seen before. The person that the attacked girl had been backtracking to was her boyfriend. He obviously didn't want to violently get involved because it was an all-female 'fight'. Well unfortunately, his girlfriend fell down to the ground. The attackers then began surrounding her and kicking her from getting back up. Now one would think that the boyfriend would pick the girl up and take her to safety. But instead, he got down on the ground WITH her, hugging himself around her body so that he could absorb the blows. Not until the girls stopped did he get up with his girlfriend to walk away. He completely put himself in harm's way to protect his girlfriend. His actions said that he was not only willing to get her out of the situation, but also willing to stay with her in the pain. Absolutely incredible.
Encouragement
I'm an advocate of dreams. Ironic that I'm writing this the day after Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, but I love dreams. I myself am a dreamer and so it's only natural that I encourage others to do the same. As I get older, I find myself in a better position to facilitate and actively help people pursue them. And that's why I'm writing this.
If you find yourself in a position to have influence over another's dream, do your best to put them up and not take them down. Doing so will grant you an opportunity to be involved in that person's true happiness, one you can't find any other way. I don't care if one strives to be an astronaut, a janitor, or anything in between, all these things are possible if we dream and support each other together.
If you find yourself in a position to have influence over another's dream, do your best to put them up and not take them down. Doing so will grant you an opportunity to be involved in that person's true happiness, one you can't find any other way. I don't care if one strives to be an astronaut, a janitor, or anything in between, all these things are possible if we dream and support each other together.
Blessings' Recipe Introduction
When people say, "I'm blessed" or "I have so many blessings" there is usually no elaboration on the subject, which makes their statement seems arbitrary and disconnected. My "Blessings' Recipe" series will illustrate not only how I'm blessed, but will also give some tips and advice on how you too can be be blessed.
I'm not doing this to shove my accomplishments in people's faces nor to make people feel bad because they might not be in the same place. My hope is that people can use what I say and make their situations better so that we all can prosper.
The first one will be, you guessed it, Finances later this week.
I'm not doing this to shove my accomplishments in people's faces nor to make people feel bad because they might not be in the same place. My hope is that people can use what I say and make their situations better so that we all can prosper.
The first one will be, you guessed it, Finances later this week.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The Greatest Fear
My greatest fear is my own success.
I used to be so afraid of the changes that success would bring to me and my family that I didn't pursue all of my opportunities in the way that I should have. I saw what happened to celebrities and privileged people around me and I knew that that scrutiny, unhappiness and hate was not something that I wanted to possess. I would have less free time, spending more time doing things I didn't want to do than things I did. I wouldn't see my friends and loved ones as often. I wouldn't be able to simply go to the mall anymore. I wouldn't even be able to shop at Walmart. Now that may seem far-fetched to some, but the success that I envision for myself includes those aspects of life. And I liked the way things were.
But recently, for a brief time, I had to put that aside in order to consider a new idea: Don't consider success giving up the things you have, but gaining the things you don't.
For me, it's time to stop being above average and begin my track to excellence. I never know the influence I have on people, but I understand more now that I'm getting older that I am an example, good or bad, and that's it's up to me to determine which it is.
I'm choosing to be a great example, one that can take people from crawling to walking and from running to flying. I encourage you to do the same. Otherwise, you'll live a life you didn't want to and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
I used to be so afraid of the changes that success would bring to me and my family that I didn't pursue all of my opportunities in the way that I should have. I saw what happened to celebrities and privileged people around me and I knew that that scrutiny, unhappiness and hate was not something that I wanted to possess. I would have less free time, spending more time doing things I didn't want to do than things I did. I wouldn't see my friends and loved ones as often. I wouldn't be able to simply go to the mall anymore. I wouldn't even be able to shop at Walmart. Now that may seem far-fetched to some, but the success that I envision for myself includes those aspects of life. And I liked the way things were.
But recently, for a brief time, I had to put that aside in order to consider a new idea: Don't consider success giving up the things you have, but gaining the things you don't.
For me, it's time to stop being above average and begin my track to excellence. I never know the influence I have on people, but I understand more now that I'm getting older that I am an example, good or bad, and that's it's up to me to determine which it is.
I'm choosing to be a great example, one that can take people from crawling to walking and from running to flying. I encourage you to do the same. Otherwise, you'll live a life you didn't want to and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Eliminate the Fakery
When I see someone with fake Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Coach, Jordan or Burberry products on, I instantly know something about that person.
- They are willing to be fake in order to satisfy people's opinion about them
- They are worried more about what other people think of them than what they think of themselves
- They are allowed no celebration if they ever received the real thing (since it's supposed to have been real this whole time)
- This is not the only arena in which they are deceiving people
The only difference between real and fake is what you are willing to give up for it, which most of the time is your dignity. And that decision speaks volumes about your character. The person with the real Louis Vuitton purse sacrificed, pursued, earned that purchase. She can have pride in the truth, unlike her counterpart who is continually anxious someone will notice their fakery while they belittle what it truly means to own what they imitate.
It's more disappointing than anything. Equivalent to the women who wear fake hair who don't realize how beautiful they already are. Society has confused the idea of beauty and it's evident everywhere. And like most things, it's a simple shift in mentality, a slight on the truth. For example, make-up is meant to enhance beauty, not create it. Your body is to make the clothes look good, not for the clothes to make your body look good. A tight t-shirt on a muscular man makes it irrelevant what the shirt says because it enhances him. Just like high heels enhance a woman's legs; they don't create something that's not already there.
I say all that to say this. If you want it, go get it. Don't settle.
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